Finally, Sleep.

The Mabel Offices of blog-a-licious have been a bit sleep deprived the past few weeks, what with the plague and all that has been circulating amongst the crew, and one particularly ornery 4 month old who just does not appear to enjoy sleep. However, thanks to a few tricks and liberal usage of baby vicks and tylenol, things are on the upswing...imagine, last night, we got two stretches of 5 hours each!! I am, my friends, a New Woman.

Yesterday's yoga class was another reminder that it is almost impossible for me to "stay in the moment"...though I try, it is so hard. Even during the class, its a constant effort to keep my mind on my breathing and my yoga as opposed to obsessing about the following:
1. Having another baby~~how on earth would that work??
2. My career--if you can call it that, what is it?...where will I be in 5 years?
3. The variety of business ideas I have, that I'd like to open
4. Menu items for the indian food stand I want to open at the W.S. Market
5. Back to having another baby~~really, how can a person care for more than one child?? When do you ever have a chance to shower or eat or sleep?
6. Why I never want to visit India again
and so forth...

In other news, I started a class at CSU last week...counseling children and adolescents. Its my final class before doing my internship and becoming a licensed counselor. Thankfully, my child is still an infant, so my anxiety about him, his personality, his future, will be limited. If I had a toddler or an older child, all bets would be off. Its bad enough to reflect on yourself when taking these classes...when I studied psychopathology, I was convinced I had every disorder we learned about.

Finally, I recently got a new book from the library, which can only help the quality of my posts here. "Grammar Sucks!" will surely help me polish up my musings and make them not only more readable, but hopefully, more enjoyable as well! This book is from the author who brought me "Breastfeeding Sucks!" which was hilarious and desperately needed during the early weeks of Baby Taj's life. Look for vast improvements. Notice I said in the grammar, not the quality or interest of the posts. We can only do so much.

Briefly,

i had a double espresso @ 6pm, hence I have been buzzing around doing random spurts of aerobics and cleaning house for the past 2 hours. Just wanted to say, never underestimate the suction power of a dyson - mine just took in an entire sock NO PROBLEM. Like it was a single piece of hair. Had to call Perren in to extract it from the tube to the detatctchable fixture part. Amazing.

I was going to put this on FB, but didn't want to be that person.

What's New

- More tattoo coloring in went down last Friday night - hurt like a wild bitch too, not gonna lie. Anyway, no more sessions until mid March so that I don't have to worry about hot tubbing in PA in March. P and I are going skiing/snowboarding @ Holiday Valley and spending a few nights on the dirt road, hopefully along with our favorite santa fe friends who are currently residing in North Carolina.

- Started boot camp this morning. Did I have to leave the room for the bathroom because I thought I might vomit? yes, yes I did. However I did not vomit, and after a few minute break, some cold water to the face and a few sips off my water bottle, and I was back to the squat jumps and jumping jacks with toe touch.

* side note about my water bottle, big C (blogname i just created for mother of P) looks at the bottom of my bottle last night and tells me I ought to get rid of it as now "they" say that anything with the recyclable #7 in the triangle is bad for you. It's a fucking NALGENE! Every hippy in the world has been rocking Nalgene for years. It's no Sigg, mind you, but those fuckers can't make a safe one either. I could just scream. Or give up water. Bitches.

- anyway, starting boot camp here, i weigh about 7 lbs. less than i did the last time a trainer weighed me, at least 6 months ago. Probably the calorie counting i got into last week, which is also probably the explanation for the dizzy spells I had last week and into the weekend. Not cool. So once again I am faced with the knowledge that I should be eating healthy meals and snacks like 6-8 times a day, a daunting, daunting reality for me. However, I have a whole new understanding of and appreciation for the smaller portion size. If i lose the highest percent of my body weight over the next 8 weeks of boot camp, I win $1,000 - how cool would that be! we shall see, but the woman who won it last year could be me - we weigh the same going in - so thats cool.

I guess thats all I have going on right now. The Hangover is NOT a funny movie, who the fuck am I listening to that gives me these impressions? Zack Galafanakis' (i have no idea how to spell his last name) character is pretty funny but certainly does not carry the movie. DIstrict 9 was pretty crazy, good story, I was really tired when watching it which took away from my experience of it.

More later -

Weekend Update!!!!!!!!!

OMG!!!! We had such a great and full, full, full weekend!!!!
First, TJ didn't sleep at all for 2 nights in a row unless someone was holding him semi-upright in his chair!!!! And then, he was so super duper stuffy~~poor little guy! I'm so lucky I get to be his mom, with the sleepless nights and all, he's extra cute!!!
Then, hubby slept in and went to play v'ball all day!!! So good for him, the bestest hubby in the world, to get out and relax!!!! So mom didn't get to shower until Sunday, but that's whats great about being a mom!!!!!
Sunday, mom cooked breakfast while suctioning out baby's nose so that maybe, just for 30 seconds, he'd stop screaming like someone was bashing his head in!!!! Ha! He's such a sweetie. He finally passed out in his swing so mom was able to poke her eyeballs out and stuff cotton in her ears, to block out future scream fests!!!!
Ate some great stale falafel last night for dinner....YUM-MO!! Its so great to be staying at home at feeling pressure to cook all the time!!!!!!
So that was a whirlwind of a weekend!!!!! On to another week, sure to be awesome with lots going on, especially since mom's cold has morphed into whooping cough and baby still can't breathe through his nose!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!!

Documentary OD

I got up bright and early yesterday to start my day the yoga way. I was pretty tired due to the new schedule, Perren went to work when I got home so I settled into my favorite spot, in the recliner chair beneath comforter, and cued up some instant netflix. I should start by the fact that I watched Capturing the Friedmans for the first time last week. Thats a pretty fucked up scenario right there, in my opinion because I don't get the impression that Mr. Friedman committed the crimes that he went to jail for. He seemed like a pretty weird guy, with an admitted kiddie porn problem, but I've got to say I am with the defense on the point that there is no way he or he and his son could have abused boys to the extent that it was alleged they did without a whole lot of concrete evidence.

So last night, I first watch Public Enemies, Johnny Depps latest based on the life of John Dillinger. A decent flick, a fascinating life from the 1930s so I read up some on Mr. Dillinger and associates after the film. Then I stumble across something on the instant flix called Off The Grid: Life on the Mesa, a docu about an off the grid community in the middle of the new mexican desert. I can't say that it was absolutely fascinating, but I could not look away. In part because this motley crew lives about 25 miles from santa fe so I was waiting to recognize some hippie or nutcase from my time there ( I didn't). Basically a group of several hundred damaged PTSD veterans, hippies, crack heads and alcoholics who want to live completely on their own terms. They don't call 911, they call 357, as in 357 magnum... yeah.. and some chose to raise their kids here, one single mom who appeared to be approaching 60 (hard living?) with what appeared to be a 2 year old. She, Mom, has a 5 point star tattooed right between her eyes.

Again, I couldn't look away...

Next, I moved seamlessly into Brothers Keeper, a documentary about the 4 Ward Brothers of Munnsville, NY and the court case in which one brother was accused of killing the oldest brother. THESE guys have lived in the same 2 room house their entire lives, they can not read or write, except their names (i think), and they speak in this hardcore rural dialect they mumble which is nearly impossible to understand. They were all in their 60s when the oldest died and homicide accusations were made (in 1990). Its pretty unbelievable how these guys live, and an absolutely heart breaking bit of footage with they shyest, anxiety ridden brother on the stand at the trial - Oh, My, God... Thankfully, its only for a few minutes and the judge puts an end to it. This brother, named Lyman, is the one I most wanted to meet, if only to give him a hug, or at least try to. Apparently, for their entire lives until they became part of a court room media circus, they would wear their same clothes for months at a time. They were dairy farmers, hence, some pungent odors abounding. So maybe a hug would be out of the question. Anyway, the community rallies around the brothers, and they have this neighbor who is just great, I forget his name but he helped them and often talked for them and is/was a smart guy who could see what was going on with all the media and legal whirlwind. He accented teh documentart thru out with comments such as "complete Bullshit" and "what the fuck is that? ,who the fuck do they think they are"?

I kind of want to see Up In the Air, b/c I like me some George Clooney.

Anyway, some weird shit in these documentaries, I sense I ought to take a break, and so the Hangover is next on my Netflix....

peace out, blogalish -

30 is the new awesome

Some things I hope to do this year, let's see if I can think of 30

1. reacquaint myself with horseback riding

2. take karate or tae kwon do classes

3. do yoga on a regular basis

4. lose weight. Originally, I wanted to aim to lose 30lbs. This will never happen, as I love delicious food with a burning passion. 20 would be swell.

5. get the fuck out of the USA if only briefly. If not, then plan trip for 2011

6. Design tattoo for my right upper arm (or my left upper back) that is in memory of my Mom

7. Do something different with my hair - drastic cut or color change, or both

8. Cook new recipes/dishes

9. Spend less money on shit I do not need

10. Make a new friend, or friends

11. scuba dive or snorkel or both

12. get another reading by a medium, perhaps @ Lilydale in New York state

13. Send Xmas cards this Xmas

14. Take more photos

15. Execute #4 to the point where I am happy to be in more photos also . This may sound silly, but it's true! I can not even look at photos of myself, if they are at a "bad angle", it's crazy. I know I shared with V my reaction/ near breakdown when I e mailed my tattoo artists photos of my back. I was all - who is that ? yikes! - a real eye opener, folks. There is a lot of love in these love handles, thats all I am saying.

So there is 15 for you. more to come in a second installment. I started the regular yoga yesterday, with the saturday morning class. The part of my front arm/ shoulder known as the coracoid process is sore to the lightest touch today. I also started yesterday with an app on the i phone called lose it! which I think MAY work better for me counting cals. However, I dunno what on this earth will work better at making it okay for me to limit my calorie consumption to 1400 - me thinks nothing.

Yoga Thoughts

I started going back to yoga a week ago, this time with a new teacher.
This past Sunday, she spoke of something in our class, that really struck a chord with me.

I should begin by saying there was a girl in the class who was new. She had never taken yoga before, and seemed a little nervous. I know her; we went to high school and graduated together. She was always very quiet and we were not really friends, though I would say we were friendly with each other. Mostly, I remember her being very, very nice and quiet.

I didn't say anything to her before class started, telling myself that she wouldn't recognize me. Who knows if she did or not (there were only 7 of us in the class--not easy to be anonymous). Mostly, I hate running into people from my past and making connections with them. Something to do with my thinking about being in "right relationship" with people and how I continually fail at this, and not wanting to really deal with it. Basically, I think its important to be in right relationship with people, but when it comes down to it, I'm kind of a bad friend. I genuinely like and enjoy people, but I'm poor at communicating with them and following through, and those things that make one a good friend. I struggle with this a lot.

So, there she was in yoga, trying to figure it all out. Our teacher is great, though, very supportive and clear and offers good insight as we practice together. During class, she spoke of letting go of our need to compete with others. I think this comment was directed at the girl I know, as she was trying so hard to do the moves right and was observing those around her more than focusing on her own practice (I think). I digress. What mattered to me about the comments was that:

1. I have always thought of myself as being very non-competitive. Truly: I don't like competitive sports, I like to play games, but doesn't matter if I win (mostly), etc.
and then it hit me:

2. I am actually, very competitive, with most people, and that is why I've done so many of the things in my life I'm not very proud of. I've spent most of my life thinking that who I am is not good enough; for a variety of reasons, and only in the last year or so have I become truly comfortable with who and where I am in this life.

3. I do have a desire to win and to be better than others--not always, and not in all things, but this has manifest itself in some odd ways. Like, my suffering is worse than yours. Or my knowledge is greater than yours. Or my marriage, my job, my commute, my cooking skills...but I can't say that my friendships are greater. Because mostly, they are not. And the truth is, nothing about me is greater or less than anyone else. Because, as I thought in yoga, all of these things are just me, who I am and where I am, and they change a lot. Sometimes they are great, sometimes they are less than ideal, but mostly they work for me. And I don't have to compare them with anyone or anything. Because that is not the point.

Now if only all these musings and reflections carry through the rest of the year as I work on letting go of anxiety and worry (something else brought up during yoga, but for a different blog post to be sure). But I'm glad for the insight. I don't think any of these thoughts would really have come to me without having Kai. For me, the perspective of being a mom has really changed how I think about a lot of things. Including, and maybe most importantly, myself.