Celebrate Excellence!
Yesterday morning, while securing our bikes to a pole in the parking lot at our local coffee shop, Perren and I noticed a pick up truck with some of the most offensive and outrageous bumper stickers I have ever seen. I actually noticed it, and grabbed Perren (physically) in horror. At first, I noticed the 2 standard classics - VIVA BUSH! and WKMN 102.2 Catholic Radio (w/ a sacred heat or some such by the call letters). Typical. Simply made me smile and shake my head.
Then, on the bumper itself (those first 2 were up on the rear window) - Real Men Don't Need "Safe Sex" - They Choose Abstinence. Whaaa? My brows furrowed in confusion , then changed to a more - what the fuck - kind of expression. Lastly, on the other side of the bumper, the words; Diversity, Celebrate Excellence, preceeded by some very odd graphic that at first looked like nothing i could figure out, then kind of like a tornado, and then a split second after bringing Piddy in to consult, it hit me - that is supposed to be a big screw. Screw Diversity, Celebrate Excellence.... and they can't even bring themselves to print the fucking word "screw'. Fucking Christian Pussies. What, I ask you, is "excellent", by ANY stretch of the definition of the word, about an Abstinent Catholic Hispanic man who voted for and continues to support Bush?
-NOT A GODDAMN THING.
Oh, the IRONY!!
I didn;t know what to do, myself. Perren immediately spit on the truck, landing in the bed.
Once we entered the shop, I scoped and felt pretty confident that the two older guys in the corner eating lunch were our suspects. I was totally right. I mean, I don't think there is anything to say to such people so my prime instinct was to deface the truck in some way, but then what is that? pointless, yet would probably provie me some serious instant gratification. Anyway, it's all over now. I just had to share the wonder.
Bumper stickers are a great topic - Santa Fe had previously made me proud with " If the fetus you saved turned out to be gay, would you still fight for it's rights?", the enormous homemade poster taking up the whole back of a truck - " THere is No flag big enough to hide the shame of all you selfish ignorant people (roughly that)" , " where are we going and why am i in this handbasket?", " Bad Tourist, No Turquoise!", and " You mean buying more useless crap isn't the meaning of life?".
On another note, I saw an anti abortion one in VA long the lines of " A Country that Murders it's own children is a country that has no soul. abortion stops a beating heart" that one stopped my heart for a good second.
Feel free to comment with bumper sticker stories, observations, outrages, etc.
Wtf? in the style of W '04 is another gem.
posted by Silk E. at
4:06 PM
8 Comments:
Oh Silk, I needed a good laugh. I must admit that I get many comments/honks/thumbs up for my Wtf? w/ pic of Bush bumper sticker. I know these men did not have mullets, or you would have commented on that, but I would venture to guess that at some point in their bible beating lives, they sported one. Kudos to Piddy for the spat!! I, myself, probably would have shit on the ground next to the driver's side door in hopes the fucker would step in it. Nothing smells more foul than human feces in a hot desert....so I've been told.
8:31 PM
good for perren.
i've decided it's almost time, now that cleo's beginning to read, to retire "who do you have to blow to get a president impeached around here?" a few days ago i spoted an acceptable replacement: white letters on a black background, "Worst. President. Ever." shouldn't be too hard to find.
i think the worst sticker i've ever seen was on a fairly nice car in the parking lot of a the lexington wal-mart. it featured an image of the white house with a confederate flag flying over, flanked by the words "i have a dream." talk about stopping your heart...
8:01 PM
My mom has some classics on her car, like "Vegetarians Taste Better" and one that is hilarious that I can't remember the exact words, but something like "I can't wait for the rapture because then we'll have the earth to ourselves without crazy Christians". I'll have to find out and post it. I'm also partial to the "A Village in Texas is missing its Idiot" one.
8:07 PM
on the subject of sex-related bumper stickers, i spotted another jaw-dropper on a car turning into the wal-mart lot--all the best bumper stickers, i think, can be found in the parking lots of wal-marts. this one said "it's not SAFE SEX if it lands you in HELL."
oh yeah, that's what i'm talking about.
10:25 PM
Sweet fucking god. " I have a dream...". They would be sporting that in the neck of the woods that could not acknowlege MLK with a day of his own, had to counter with a day for Robert E Lee.
I feel like there was something in the Borat movie along those lines, some pro secession deal, perhaps also on a pick up truck in that neighborhood in Alabama where he shit in a bag brought it to the Southern DIners Club dinner table. Hi-larity.
1:29 AM
saw another good one this afternoon while picking up my produce: "gays didn't ruin my marriage, my ex-husband did."
2:12 PM
I saw one that got my attention today...."Bush sucks dick and so does Cheney".. a familiar theme to Vikki's ..."who do you have to blow around here". I don't remember having cool shit like this to read when I was a kid, in fact, we didn't have bumper stickers!! My very first bumpmer sticker ever was in l977 and it read
"Robin Hood was Right"! Grannie
4:15 AM
ok, a few sightings today -
1. " NO FAT CHICKS. THE TRUCK WILL SCRAPE." - this on the bumper of a beater truck parked in some ones yard. On the lawn style but you slready knew that didn't you?
2. "Republican Healthcare Plan: Don't Get Sick."
lastly -
" It Takes A Village to Eat an Idiot"
???
That one does not sit well with me. I mean, Come on.
9:11 PM
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