"Audit"

SO I totally jacked this from another blog, but felt I had to, as the never ending humor of scientology should amuse us all. those crazy fuckers.
These are questions asked to potential newbies in the "auditing" process, to see whether or not they are L Ron material.
enjoy.
Maybe I'll go thru and answer a few,,,

• Have you ever enslaved a population?
I've merely TRIED to

• Have you ever debased a nation's currency?

• Have you ever killed the wrong person?
by accident, does that count?

• Have you ever torn out someone's tongue?
by accident, does that count?

• Have you ever been a professional critic?


• Have you ever wiped out a family?
wtf?

• Have you ever tried to give sanity a bad name?
wtf?
• Have you ever consistently practiced sex in some unnatural fashion?


• Have you ever made a planet, or nation, radioactive?

• Have you ever made love to a dead body?

• Have you ever engaged in piracy?
No way! That is some crazy fucked up shit!

• Have you ever been a pimp?

• Have you ever eaten a human body?

• Have you ever disfigured a beautiful thing?

• Have you ever exterminated a species?

• Have you ever been a professional executioner?

• Have you given robots a bad name?

• Have you ever set a booby trap?

• Have you ever failed to rescue your leader?

• Have you driven anyone insane?

• Have you ever killed the wrong person?
didn't they already ask this one? FINE. maybe this one time.

• Is anybody looking for you?

• Have you ever set a poor example?
I can only hope so as I strive to, everyday

• Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?

• Are you in hiding?
duh. I live in new mexico

• Have you systematically set up mysteries?
what the hell does that mean? and yes, all the time.

• Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?
just really young children

• Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?
I've never acted instead

• Have you ever gone crazy?
clearly this is a required YES for the induction

• Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity?

• Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader?

• Have you ever smothered a baby?
hmmmm.. I've NEVER shaken one.

• Do you deserve to have any friends?
obviously not

• Have you ever castrated anyone?
in my mind

• Do you deserve to be enslaved?

• Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again?

• Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real?

• Have you ever zapped anyone?

• Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it?